Computer One Liners
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| A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
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| According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
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| A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.
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| A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
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| Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
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| Air conditioned environment - Do not open Windows!
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| All computers wait at the same speed.
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All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!
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| All you need to know is the user interface.
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| Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
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| Any program that runs right is obsolete.
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| A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
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| A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
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| A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
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| A program is never finished until the programmer dies.
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| ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
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| As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
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| A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.
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| A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.
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| Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
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| Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?
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| Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
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| Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
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| Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
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| Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.
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| Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
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| Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster.
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| Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.
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| COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
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| Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
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| Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
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| Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
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| Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
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| Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
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| Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
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| Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.
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| Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
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| Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
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| Computers can never replace human stupidity.
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| Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
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| Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.
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| Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
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| Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.
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| Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
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| Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
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| Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
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| Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
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| Don't document the program; program the document.
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| Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
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| Don't let the computer bugs bite!
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| DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!
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| DOS Tip: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
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| Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
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| Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
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| Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.
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| Error: Problem exists between keyboard and chair.
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| Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
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| Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
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| Every bug you find is the last one.
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| Every time I type 'win', I loose ...
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| Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
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| Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
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| .....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
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| For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.
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| Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
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| Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!
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| Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....
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| Hit any user to continue.
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| Home is where the computer is plugged in.
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| How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...
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| I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
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| If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
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| If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
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| I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.
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| If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
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| If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
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| If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
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| I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.
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| I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
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| I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
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| I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
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| In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.
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| Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.
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| It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
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| It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.
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| It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.
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| It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...
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| I wish life has a scroll back buffer.
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| Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.
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| Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.
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| MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.
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| Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
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| Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
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| Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?
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| MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and
Teenagers.
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| Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
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| My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
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| Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"
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| No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.
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| Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?
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| One person's error is another person's data.
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| One picture is worth 128K words.
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| Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
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| Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!
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| Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.
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| Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
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| Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
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| Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....
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| Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
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| Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.
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| RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.
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| Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
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| Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.
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| Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
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| Shutting down networkservers reguarly during worktime prevents RSI and develops social contacts at work.
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| Speed Kills! Use Windows.
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| System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
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| The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.
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| The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
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| The name is Baud......, James Baud.
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| The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
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| The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
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| The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.
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| There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
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| There are only 10 types of people in this world:
those who understand binary, and those who don't."
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| There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
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| There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
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| There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.
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These settings will have no effect until you restart the system.
Reset Universe (Y/N) ?
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| Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!
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| To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
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| To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
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| User error: replace user and press any key to continue.
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| Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.
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| What boots up must come down.
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| Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?
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| Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
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| Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?
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| Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
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| Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
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| Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?
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| Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.
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| WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
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| Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.
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| You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.
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| You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
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| You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.
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| You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
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| You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
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Comment or Share Your Own One Liner
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