One Liners (ag - am)

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A gentle word, like summer rain, may soothe some heart and banish pain. What joy or sadness often springs, from just the simple little things!
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. (Satchel Paige)
A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home!
A giving church is a living church.
A goal properly set is halfway reached.
A goal without a plan is just a wish.
A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. (Charles H. Spurgeon)
A good conscience is a soft pillow.
A good example is the best sermon.
A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.
A good friend see the first tear, catches the second and stops the third.
A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it.
A good match blows fire...
A good school is a community where children learn to live first and foremost as children and not as future adults.
A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible. (George Burns)
A good way to change somebody's attitude is to change your own.
A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. (William James)
A guilty conscience needs no accuser.
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes. (Hugh Downs)
A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when they is counting their blessings.
A hard thing about business is minding your own.
A heavy burden does not kill on the day it is carried. (Kenyan Proverb)
A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."
A helping hand is no farther than at the end of your sleeve.
A helping word to one in trouble is like a switch in a railroad track . . . an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. (Henry Ward Beecher)
A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.
A honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.
"How did that happen?, " gasped her mother.
"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
A house divided against itself cannot stand; I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. (Abraham Lincoln, June 17, 1858)
A HOUSE is built of logs and stone,
Of piles and post and piers;
A HOME is built of loving deeds,
That stand a thousand years.
(Victor Hugo)
A hug is a great gift... one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. (Natasha Isabelle)
A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.
A husband got in big trouble after his wedding anniversary.
His wife told him the day before: "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood.
Aim at heaven and you get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. (C. S. Lewis)
A journey of a thousand miles always begins with one step. (ancient Egyptian proverb)
A judge is a law student who marks their own examination papers. (H.L. Mencken)
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand.
A king's castle is his home.
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
A lasting marriage consists of the 3 C's;
Alcohol preserves everything but not dignity.
A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. (John C. Maxwell)
A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once.
Algebra was easy for the Romans because "X" was always 10.
A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. (Edgar J. Mohn)
A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.
Alimony: funds which allow a woman who lived unhappily married to live happily unmarried.
Alimony is having an ex-husband you can bank on.
A little boy asked his mother why the minister got a month's vacation while his dad only got two weeks. The mother answered, "Well, son, if he's a good minister, he needs it. If he isn't, the congregation needs it."
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found", the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear"?
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and changed the water into wine.
"And what did you learn from that story?" asked his father afterward.
The boy thought for a moment and answered, "If you're having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there."
A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."
A little boy took the chair at the barbershop.
"How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the barber.
"Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the back."
A little boy was saying his bedtime prayers with his mother:
"Lord, bless Mommy and Daddy, and God, GIVE ME A NEW BICYCLE!!!"
Mom: "God's not deaf, son.
Boy: "I know, Mom, but Grandma's in the next room, and she's hard of hearing!
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.
When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear; "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows. (C.S. Lewis)
All animals, except man, know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. (Samuel Butler)
All bicycles weigh 50 pounds, except that a 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock, a 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock, and a 50 pound bicycle does not need a lock.
All fingers are not alike,
If you cut bigger ones to make all equal it is communism,
If you stretch smaller ones to make all equal it is socialism,
If you do nothing to make all equal it is capitalism.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
All mankind is divided into three classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable; and those who move. (Benjamin Franklin)
All men can fly, but sadly, only in one direction -- down.
All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner.
All mothers are working mothers.
All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness. (Mark Kennedy)
All of us are God's creatures... just some are more creature than others.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity.
All sunshine makes a desert.
All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do nothing. (Edmund Burke)
All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today and yesterday.
All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do.
All the treasure in the world is worthless, unless you have someone to share it with.
All your dreams come true, if you have the courage to pursue them. (Walt Disney)
A long dispute means that both parties are wrong.
A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough. (Benjamin Franklin)
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. (Helen Keller)
Although they had no first aid class,
Egyptians were not dummies.
They knew the art of bandaging,
They learned it from their Mummies.
A luxury once enjoyed becomes a necessity.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. (Wendell Johnson)
Always buy good shoes, and a good bed. Because if you aren't in one, you're in the other.
Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names.
Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting. (Brian Tracy)
Always keep several get well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her: "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.
A man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion.
A man has nothing to loose in trying, however: he may loose if he fails to try. (Monsieur Nana Adom)
A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.
A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
A man is at his tallest when he stoops to help a child.
A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does; but he is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he does.
A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. (John Barrymore 1943)
A man is not where he lives, but where he loves. (Latin Proverb)
A man listens to his son yelling at his mother. After they finish fighting and make up the man calls his son and says: "Take this hammer and drive this nail into that peice of wood". Afterwards the father tells him to pull out the nail. Than the father said: "When you fight with your mother, you drive a nail through her heart. But look at how when you are forgiven and you take out the nail, the hole stays."
A man prayed, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until in the end he realised that prayer is listening. (Soren Kierkegaard)
A man's knowledge can never outweigh his experience.
A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half of his life.
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
A man's reach should exceed its grasp. (Browning)
A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted.
When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
A man who is attracted by your mental appearance loves you more than a man who is attracted by your physical appearance.
A man who lives in a glass house should change in basement.
A man who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones.
A man with a watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.
A man who thinks he is smarter than his wife, has a very smart wife!
A man who throws dirt loses ground.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans.
America is the only country in the world where the poor have a parking problem.
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts
he thrusts his fists against the posts
and still insists he sees the ghosts.
(and now speak it out loud)
"Am I indecisive?" Can I get back to you on that?
A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner, so if one's life is cold and bare he can blame none but himself. (louis L'Amour)
A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension. (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
A minister was talking to similar group of young children.
"Who can tell me what we must do before we can expect forgiveness of sin?"
There was a moment's pause, then Tommy made a logical contribution:
"Well, sir, first we have got to sin."
A moment on the lips,
an eternity on the hips.
Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart. (Zig Ziglar)
A more expensive tennis racket will not make you a better player.
A mother holds her childrens hands for a while, their hearts forever.
A mother was asked: "Do you do any literary work?"
"Yes," she replied, "I am writing two books."
"What are their titles?"
" 'John' and 'Mary,' " she answered. "My business is to write upon the minds and hearts of my children the lessons they will never forget."
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

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