One Liners (if we)

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I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
I always knew that looking back on my tears would someday make me laugh, but I never knew that looking back on my laughter would someday make me cry.
I always thought looking back on the times I cried would make me laugh; but I never knew looking back on the times I laughed would make me cry.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it.
I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. (Thomas Jefferson)
I am a poet and did not know it.
I make a rhyme every time.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 96% how I react to it.
I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship. (Louisa May Alcott)
I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.
I am not religious, I just love the Lord.
I am not the boss of my house.
I don't know how I lost it.
I don't know when I lost it.
I don't think I ever had it.
But I've seen the boss's job, and I don't want it. (Bill Cosby)
I am on a thirty day diet.
So far, I have lost 15 days.
I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now.
I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied.
I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken. (Anon)
I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion.
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. (Dave Barry)
I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brain to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities.
I asked for everything so I could enjoy life. Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything.
I received nothing I wanted I received everything I needed.
My prayer has been answered.
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. (C.S. Lewis)
I believe in the Big Bang theory. God spoke and BANG! It was.
I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty. (John D. Rockefeller Jr.)
I believe the time we really look big in a child's eyes is when we go to them and apologize for our mistakes and we say, 'I was wrong. Will you forgive me?' (Kevin Leman)
I can calculate trajectories, I can analyze chemical compositions so why can't I figure out where the other sock is after using the dryer? (Karl Reinhard pyrotechnician)
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I can get more out of God by believing Him for one minute than by shouting at Him all night. (Smith Wigglesworth)
I can lead you to the water but I can't let you drink.
I can not and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. (Lillian Hellman)
I can not dial 911.
There's no 11 on my phone.
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do. That is character! - (Theodore Roosevelt)
I climbed up the door
Opened the stairs
I said my pajamas
And put on my prayers
I switched off the bed
And climbed in the light
All because he kissed me goodnight.
I close my eyes in order to see.
I could drown in a frown and swim in a smile.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Ideas are funny little things, they won't work unless you do.
I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
I dialled one of those 900 numbers to get some financial advice. They advised me not to dial 900 numbers.
I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex, and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.
One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?"
Another student and I devoured every delicious crumb!
Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. (Voltaire)
I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it.
I don't believe you can do today's job with yesterday's methods and be in business tomorrow. (Nelson Jackson)
I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.
I don't feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. (Galileo Galilei)
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. (Bill Cosby)
I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.
I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones. (Albert Einstein)
I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.(Erma Bombeck)
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.

I don't need music, lobster or wine.
Whenever your eyes look into mine;
The things I long for are simple and few:
A cup of coffee, a sandwich and you!
I don't need your attitude I have one of my own.
I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains. (Anne Frank)
I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not. (Alan Smithee)
I don't understand Christianity, nor do I understand electricity, but I don't intend to sit in the dark until I do!
I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. (Diane Ackerman)
I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed!
If a bird is flying for pleasure, it flies with the wind, but if it meets danger it turns and faces the wind, in order that it may rise higher. (Corrie Ten Boom)
If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love church.
If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has. (Rev. Robert E. Harris)
If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. (Albert Einstein)
If all else fails, read the directions.
If all the misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart. (Socrates)
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A man, Sir, should keep his friendship in constant repair. (Samuel Johnson 1709-1784)
If a man is called to be a street-sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, "Here lived a great street-sweeper who did his job well." (Martin Luther King Jr.)
If a man is not there for you at your worst, he does not deserve to see you at your best.
If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? (Sydney J. Harris)
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilisation.
If danger's a step away, safety's step away.
If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands.
If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty.
If God is your co-pilot, switch seats with Him!
If he was any slower, he'd be going in reverse.
If I am not free to fail, I'm not free to take risks, and everything in life that's worth doing involves a willingness to risk failure. (Mrs. Hugh Franklin)
If I can only be with you in my dreams, then I want to sleep forever.
If I could grasp a hint of innocence ,or exude some of the purity, that so freely flows from my little girls eyes, then I would have learned something about being her father. (Brandon for Kyla)
If I did not laugh, I should die. (Abraham Lincoln)
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet?
If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would have talked less and listened more. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had my life to live over I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. (Erma Bombeck)
If I had never met you, I wouldn't like you;
If I didn't like you I wouldn't love you;
If I didn't love you I wouldn't miss you...
But I did, I do and I will.
I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than they plan their lives.
Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change. (Jim Rohn)
If I knew grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first!
If I never had a bad day, how would I know whether I was having a good day? (Lee)
If innocence can leave guilt can come.
If it is to be, it is up to me! (10 most important 2 letter words)
If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing! (Stacey Brown)
If I try to be like him, who will be like me? (Yiddish proverb)
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. (Dennis Roch)
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
If life deals you a lemon, make lemonade.
If life were a novel, then dead would mark the end of the first chapter...(Kelly Nelson)
If life were easy, then it would be boring. (Charles Beck)
If love was a raindrop I would send you a shower
If hope was a minute I would send you an hour
If happiness was a leaf I would send you a tree
If you need a friend you will always have me!
If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
If nobody knows the troubles you've seen, then you don't live in a small town.
If our gifts are not surrendered to God, we tend to beat people over the head with them.
If raindrops were kisses, I would send you a storm. (Natasha Isabelle)
If someone is standing between you and God, guess who's closer to God.
If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as those who have none to give.
If someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
If success attend me, grant me humility; If failure, resignation to Thy will. (David Livingstone)
If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise. (W.B. Yeats)
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
If the desire to need is measured by the value of something, then you my darling are quite simply priceless. (Derek Breslin)
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, maybe yours needs a little more tending.
If the grass on the other side of the fence appears must be all the fertiliser they are using! (Kevin Rodowicz)
If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.
If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world.
(Chinese Proverb)
If there is no enemy within, the enemy out side can do us no harm. (African proverb)
If there was any justice in this world, oil company executive bathrooms would smell like the ones in their gas stations. (Johnny Carson)
If the road you travel, has no obstacles, It leads nowhere.
If the wind stops, row! (Polish proverb)
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
If there are no tears in the eyes, there will be no rainbow in the soul.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent!
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. (Abraham Lincoln)
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
If wealth is lost nothing is lost.
If health is lost something is lost
If character/reputation is lost everything is lost.
If we are walking in joy, we are trusting God.
If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
If we'd confess our sins to one another we'd all laugh at the lack of originality.
If we don't control our money, it will control us.
If we don't know our own history, we are doomed to live it. (Hannah Arendt)
If weak in prayer we are weak everywhere. (Leonard Ravenhill)
If we preach what we live....We don't ever have to worry about practicing what we preach!

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