When a bishop visited one of his remoter parishes, he was surprised to find
only five people in the congregation. He said to the vicar "Did you tell the
people I was coming?." The vicar replied "No, but Heaven help the person who
When a church seeks a pastor, they want the strength of an eagle, the grace of a swan, the gentleness of a dove, the friendliness of a sparrow, and the night hours of an owl. And when they catch that bird, they expect the pastor to live on the food of a canary.
When a friend asked his six-year-old brother why babies are spanked when they are born, the youngster replied, "To get them used to it. (Doug Belknap & Chad Goodwin)
When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up, people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen. (Pauline Frederick)
When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be walking the three blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed. Seeing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining happily, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!"
When an old man dies, a library burns down. (African proverb)
When a person wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince them.
When asked by his Boss why he only worked 4 days a week the enployee replied because I can't manage on 3 days a week.
When asking a question of someone your not sure of, only ask if you know half the answer.
When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. (Corrie Ten Boom, author and Holocaust survivor)
When a woman is speaking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes. (Victor Hugo)
When confronted with a Goliath-sized problem, which way do you respond:
"He's too big to hit" or like David, "He's to big to miss"?
When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you.
When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed. (Alisha Everett)
Whenever an armed forces pilot is involved in an aircraft accident, he is required to make a statement of the cause. One young pilot summed up his mishap thus: "I believe the cause of the accident was administrative. I should never have graduated from flight school."
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. (A. Lincoln)
When everything seems to be going against you, remember the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. (Henry Ford)
When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there will be no one there.
When God allows a burden to be put upon you, He will put His arms underneath you to help you carry it.
When God closes a door He opens a window.
When God sends us on hard paths, he provides strong shoes.
When God takes measure of a man. I've often heard it said. He always measures 'round the heart. But never 'round the head.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did--in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car.
When I'm right no-one remembers, when I'm wrong no-one forgets.
When in doubt, tell the truth. (Mark Twain)
When in doubt. . . mumble.
When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't. (William Temple)
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything You gave me." (Erma Bombeck)
When I stand before the Lord, I'd rather explain why I went, rather than why I didn't go.
When I walk backwards, it feels like I'm helping everyone else move forward faster.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. (Mark Twain)
When I was a child I could remember anything.... Whether it happened or not. (Mark Twain)
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. (John Ruskin)
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four."
When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and
said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"
Mom smiled and then replied . . . "I remember."
When no one is watching, live as if someone is.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. (Helen Keller)
When placed in God's hands, life is like a chocolate cake: Take something
bitter, something dry, something wet, and a little bit of leaven, mix well,
and let it bake someplace hot. The result is something sweet.
When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future.
When seeking a companion, become the type of person you would like to attract!
When signing a contract, it helps to remember "the big-type gives, and the small-type takes away".
When someone asks me what I think, I tell them: "I think all of the meat around a pig's ass is pork." (Tim Early)
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
When someone says, "do you want my opinion"?- it's always a negative one.
When speaking to your children: say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it.
When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion. (Ethiopian proverb)
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
When the congregation falls asleep it is time for the minister to wake up.
When the devil starts messing, God starts blessing. (R.W. Schambach)
When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
When the going still gets tough, the tough, pray.
When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked five-year-old Sammy how he liked the new place.
"It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad."
When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot. (West African Proverb)
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace. (Jimi Hendrix)
When there's a will, there's a way..when there's a won't, there isn't.
When there's nothing on TV, most people will watch it anyway.
When the tide of life turns against you, and the current upsets your boat.
Don't waste time on what might have been, just lie on your back and float.
When the well's dry, we know the worth of water. (Ben Franklin)
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
When they say Doctors are practicing, they aren't kidding.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road your trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint on the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell hoe close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when your hardest hit
It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit.
When we die we leave behind us all that we have and take with us all that we are.
"When we get home," I lectured my three young sons in the backseat of the car, "I want you all to clean your rooms because Uncle Ed is coming over. He's never been to our house before, and I want it to look tidy." My nine-year-old finally broke a lengthy silence. "But isn't that kind of like lying?"
When we learn all the answers, they change the questions.
When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. (William Arthur Ward)
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.
When you aim for perfection you discover it is a moving target.
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.
When you are at school, you wish you where old enough to work. When you are old enough to work, you wish you were at school.
When you are born you are crying and everyone around you is smiling. Live your life so that when you die you are smiling and everyone around you is crying.
When you are standing on the edge of a cliff a step forward is not progress. (Grandfather)
When you are trying to convince yourself something is right, it is usually wrong.
When you ask someone to go somewhere with you, and they say no and then start explaining why, you say, "Just tell me the time, don't tell me how the watch works."
When you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
When you forgive it takes you from the place of the victim to that of a victor.
When you give and don't expect anything back that's love. But if you give and expect a return it's an investment.
When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't. (Thomas Edison)
When you hear a kind word spoken about a friend, tell her so.
When you live in the past, it costs you the present.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson. (Chinese proverb)
When you put somebody down, you have to be down there to hold him down. You could soar high otherwise.
When you reach the end of light in your life and you find yourself standing before a dark abyss, faith is knowing that when you take the next step there will be something solid to walk on or you will be taught to fly.
When your heart speaks, take good notes.
When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
When your outgo exceeds your income your upkeep will be your downfall.
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. (Henry J. Kaiser)
When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey. (An old Arab proverb)
When you take things for granted, the things you are granted, get taken. (Phil Hennessy)
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and you rejoice. (Old Indian Saying)
Where there are love and generosity, there is joy.
Where there are sincerity and sacrifice, there is friendship.
Where there are harmony and simplicity, there is beauty.
Where there are prayer and forgiveness, there is peace.
Where there are moderation and patience, there is wisdom.
Where there are conflicts and crises, there is opportunity.
Where there are wonder and adventure, there is growth.
Where there are adoration and confession, there is worship.
Where there are compassion and concern, there is God.
Where there are faith and hope, there is spring.
Wherever you are - be all there. (Jim Elliot)
Where God guides, He provides.
Where there are friends; there is wealth. (Titus Maccius Plautus 250-184 BC)
Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. (Oliver Wendell Holmes)
Where will you be sitting in eternity--smoking or non-smoking?
Where you're going is more important than where you stand.
Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right. (Henry Ford)
Which dreams indeed are ambition, for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream. (William Shakespeare, Hamlet)
Which Eternity do you prefer? Smoking or Non-Smoking.
While men talk of killing time, slowly time kills men.
While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."
While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.
With righteousness in the heart there will be beauty in the character. With beauty in the character there will be harmony in the home. With harmony in the home there will be order in the nation. With order in the nation there will be peace in the world.
CATEGORIES: Click on a category below for more one liners